MERRY CHUBMAS EVERYBODY!!

                                                    HELLO AND MERRY CHUBMAS
Hiya and Merry Chubmas everybody!Im looking forward to mah gifts this year O.O Me thinks that there might be a Chubmas pudding under da tree for me :D What are you peeps getting?Helicopter?Cheesecake?Monopoly?A cute penguin named Giggle's?OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH right your getting a PENCIL!!!Fun!!Im very chubb'in jealous.WHERE CAN I GET A PENCIL D:< I know how ima gonna celebrate Chubbmas this year.IM GOING TO CONSTRUCT A TABLE!!!AND THAT'S RIGHT,NOT JUST ANY TABLE,BUT A TABLE I CAN PUT STUFF ON!IM GONNA USE IT AS A  CANDLE!IT LASTS MUCH LONGER THAN THE AVERAGE CANDLE AND SMELLS DELIGHTFULLY OF BURNING WOOD!MMMMMMMM!YUMMEH!Then im gonna eat my dinner REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY CHEESE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY fast!Hey!Spot the odd word out in that sentence!Bet you cant find it!It makes an interesting game with hour's of fun guaranteed!Or your sanity back!Well,i need to go stare creepily at my owners/pets/cleaners/cooks/friends!BYE MY CHUBB'IN BESTIES AND HAVE A VERY moderate CHUBMAS!!!

A nice lovely relaxing calming soul cleaNSING REFRESHING ENJOYABLE FUN PLEASANT AND JUST GENERALLY GOOD APART FROM DAT BIT WHERE I ALMOST DROWNED SWIM IN THE SINK.

                                                                           HELLO
Hiya everyone.Seatbelts unfastened i hope?Good.You would probably suffocate wearing pieces of restraining fabric around your waists like that.Fools -.- Anyway,today my owners/idiots-who-i-look-after/pets,went out leaving me ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE
in the house.So,like most people i thought, "What would be better than a nice,cool and refreshing dip in our sink?Nothing apart from living in a castle made of chocolate and being married to a waffle that's what." So i went and filled the sink with nice cool soapy water and clambered in.I paddled about a little bit,then just floated around pretending to be a upset Harry Potter book.THEN,i saw.....A SHARRRRRRRRRK!!!
I screamed and flailed wildly,emitting noisy beeps,and trying to get away from it.Then i realized that it was just a spoon and relaxed.A bit too much actually.I fell asleep,and would have drowned if it wasn't for the FACT THAT I LIED ABOUT FALLING ASLEEP HAHA BET YOU WERE ALL REAL WORRIED AND FELL SCREECHING TO THE GROUND SOBBING NOISILY RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR BUS/CHRISTMAS TREE/POST OFFICE/CAKE SO HERE,LET ME HELP YOU UP
*Offers little paw to help up then yanks it away when you reach for it causeing you to fall dramatically back into your pot of stew and cook yourself* PSYCH

NEIGH IMA PONY

A hippo ate BIBBY THE CAT and i visit my friend Steve on a business trip to show a family a lovely flat in mosborough.

                                                                      HELLO
Hiya everybody.Nothing really happened today,apart from my owners did some baking and i licked a bunch of stuff off the floor.Oh,and i giant hippo smashed through the windows and ate BIBBY THE CAT alive.
But you don't wanna hear about that,it was really chubb'in boring particularly the bit where the FBI had to take it down with 6 helicopters and a bomb,along with 57 of their best trained soldiers all armed with grenades and machine guns.Yep,instead of hearing about that,you want to see a picture of  a caterpillar.This particular caterpillar is my friend named Steve,who lives in the garden and is a model.He was once in "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" movie.I often visit him when i go to do my business  (Estate Agent) in the garden.

                                                                             

                                                                             

                                                                         

I WENT FOR A WALK OMG WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES I SAW A SLUG ON DA WALK OMG AND THERE WAS GRASS AND TREES TOO

                                                                        HELLO

Hiya everybody!Soz i didn't write yesterday,blogger was glitching.But anyway,i have gooooood news!I WENT WALKIES IN DA OUTSIDE WORLD WITH MY OWNERS AND THEIR FRIENDS AND OMG IT WAS JUST LIKE SOOOO MUCH FUUUUUUN FIRST OF ALL I WRIGGLED AROUND IN THE CAR WHILE THEY DROVE THEN I WRIGGLED ROUND IN THE CAR WHILE THEY GOT OUT AND WENT SOMEWHERE LEAVING ME TOO WRIGGLE ROUND ON THE CAR FLOOR THEN THEY GOT BACK IN AND DROVE SOMEWHERE WHILE I WRIGGLED ROUND ON DA FLOOR THEN THEY GOT OUT AND GOT ME OUT OF THE CAR AND WE WENT OUTSIDE AND THERE WAS A BIG BUILDING AND A TREE AND I WENT TOO THE LOO THEN WE WALKED ON THIS PATH COVERED IN TINY SHARP STONES THEN WE WALKED PAST THIS BIN AND I SAW THIS SLUG AND IT WAS SOOOOO GROSS AND I POINTED AT IT AND WAS ALL LIKE "EWWWW GROSS LOOK A SLUG DON'T NO ONE STEP ON IT IT COULD LIKE EXPLODE EVERYWHERE AND COVER US ALL IN SLUG JUICE EWWWWWW IT SO LIKE TOTALLY GROSS LOOK HOW SLIMY IT IS EWWW LOOK ITS STOOD ON THAT BLADE OF GRASS GROSS DON'T NOBODY GO NEAR IT WHAT IF IT LICKS US AND WE DIE OF SLUG POISONING EWWWW"  AND THEN LATER ON ONCE I HAD GOT OVER THE GROSSNESS OF THAT SLUG I SAW SOME DUCKS AND I TRIED TO CHASE THEM BUT THE LEAD I WAS HOLDING MY OWNERS ON WASN'T LONG ENOUGH AND IT HURT MY NECK CAUSE THEY WERE DIGGING THEIR HEELS IN LIKE NAUGHTY OWNERS AND COMPLAINING SO I HAD TO STOP CHASING THE DUCKS AND I WAS ALL LIKE "FINE THEN I WON'T GET YOU A PERFECTLY GOOD MEAL NOOOO YOU CAN JUST SIT AND WHINE AT ME SO HAHAHAHAHA YOU WILL GO HUNGRY AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT" AND THEN WE WALKED THROUGH SOME MUD FOR A WHILE THEN WE CROSSED THIS LITTLE BRIDGE AND I TRIED TO CHASE SOME MORE DUCKS BUT MY OWNERS WOULDN'T LET ME AND THEN WE WALKED THROUGH MORE MUD AND THEN WE RAN ROUND ON A BRICK FLOOR AND THEN WE WENT BACK TO THE CAR AND GOT IN IT THEN WE DROVE OFF WHILE I WRIGGLED ROUND IN THE BOOT AND THEN THEY GOT OUT AND LEFT FOR A WHILE THEN CAME BACK AND ATE STUFF WHILE I WRIGGLED ROUND AND LICKED CRUMBS UP YUMMY YUMMY IN MY PLUMP TUMMY THEN THEY DROVE AGAIN AND WE GOT HOME AND I WENT TO BED AND THATS THE END.

Wrapping presents and hoovers.

                                                                              HELLO

Hiya everybody.I didn't do much today,apart from watching my owners do stupid stuff like "Hoovering"
and "Wrapping gifts for other human beings and dinosaurs with laser beams that come out their eye's when they wear weird headgear designed for fighting huge massive epic battles with against Deer".I don't get hoovering.I watch them wasting their time doing it and i just think "Why are you bothering to use that huge lump of metal when you could just let me lick your floor clean?" And as for wrapping presents,whats the chubb'in point?People are just going to open them again,which means you have wasted money on dumb stuff like wrapping paper and gift tags and ribbon,and you have wasted 15 minutes trying to wrap that kettle.And then when the new happy owner of said kettle receives their gift,they briefly gaze at the paper,think "Is that a curry stain on it?Or just the pattern?" then struggle to take the ribbon which you have wrapped FAR TOO TIGHTLY on,wrestle with the sellotape for 5 minutes then toss all your hard work into the bin and take their kettle home.Really?Do you now understand how ridiculous your all being over it?Right,i'm expecting you to all too be running back to the shops returning wrapping paper and gift tags (which no one actually reads cause they know exactly who its from cause you've just given it too them) Or i will be VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU FOR WASTING YOUR MONEY AND TIME WHICH YOU COULD INSTEAD BE SPENDING ON ME.

The postman......

                                                                      HELLO

Hiya everybody.Today,not much happened apart from a friend visited :) And i knocked some Lego out of someones hands.(SOZZY)But today,i have a important issue to discuss with you....THE POSTMAN
(DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!)Well,for starters,he freaks me right out O.O i mean when you think about it,
Its chubb'in creepy!Its just weird that someone comes to your house shoving pieces of paper through your door!What am i meant to say?? "Oh,WOW thanks for those pieces of paper!Now have a nice day shoving boxes through other peoples doors!" They've made a flipping hole in everyone's door!They've practically broken them!What have you not noticed??!?Well either go ask your dog NOW,or go look for yourself!
And that van thingumabob.Whys it red??!WHY?!?!??WHY NOT PINK OR BLUE OR GREEN WITH LITTLE SANTA'S PATTERNED ACROSS IT?!?!??YOU EXPECTING A BULL TO RUN AT IT??FOR A BULL TO DELIVER THE FLIPPING POST FOR YOU??!?Fools -.- Now to calm yourself's down from these creepy and scary things happening everyday,here is a Tapir.

A candy cane.A DINOSAUR EATING ME HEEEEEELP!!!

                                                                         HELLO 

Hi guys.Today was quite exciting as usual.I got a bone in the shape of a Candy cane and had a walk!!!!!!!!!!I have already emailed the news but they haven't replied.I may try by facebook or something next.Anyway,my bone is candy cane shaped!IT TASTES GOOOOOOOOD!I gave it a hug!But then it started to hyperventilate!"ARGGGGGH!!!" I screamed in terror,"WHATS WRONG?!?!?!" It passed out at this point.I had to perform surgery armed only with a toothpick!I bet your wondering what was the matter right?Okay,i will tell you but a warning first:

*PEOPLE OF SQUEAMISH NATURE SKIP THIS PART,IF YOU READ IT,DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK OF BITING YOUR FINGERS OFF AS YOU SCREAM AND FLAIL IN TERROR*

Here i go...IT STUBBED ITS TOE!!!I was horrified before i realized that it didn't have feet.Because its a candy cane.And if your sat wondering "So what if its only a candy cane?Surely they have feet too?!"
Well they cant.Cause its a candy cane. Don't be stupid.So i yelled at it "YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH ALL THAT AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE FEET???!"We are still not speaking.So for revenge for having to perform surgery with a toothpick,i ate its face.Oh well.It is just a bone.Meh -.-

Door handles and a party.Oh, and a button.A oddly shaped button.Pancakes anyone?

                                                                    HELLO  

Hi everybody.Today my owners went out all day long so i threw a party.The guest list was: 

BIBBY THE CAT 

THUNDER THE CAT

KITTY THE CAT  

A ODDLY SHAPED BUTTON

AND ME. 

It was flipping awesome.It was like a epic rave.It went on for hours!It was at least 2 hours long!

First of all, after all my guests had arrived,we sat and played Pass The Parcel.The prize was a old sock i had found on a radiator.But of course,every time the music (me making airplane noises) stopped,you get a mini prize.The mini prizes were crumbs i had found in the kitchen that morning.Everyone was pleased with their prizes.The oddly shaped button won this game.Then,we played a game called Lick the door handles. 

Everyone licks the door handles.Then everyone wins a broken crayon.It was fun.Then we had lunch.Lunch was mainly whatever was the floor.It was sort of like a buffet.I found a piece of cereal and a bit of cat food.There was then time for one last game.So we played Pin your tail onto the wall and dangle there painting your nails.You dangle from a tail from the wall and paint your nails basically.The oddly shaped button had to sit and watch at this point as he is a button.And buttons don't have tails stupid.Unless they are a cat shaped one.Which he isn't .Hes more like a odd lump .Bibby won and was very pleased.He won a voucher for one free breath of air.Kitty was very jealous.After this they went home.I then re licked all the door handles,so now my owners have my spit all over their door handles .Hahaha.Next time they will take me. >:D

Greetings and walls.

                                                                    HELLO! 

Hello everybody,my name is Chubby i am a rescued dog of about 9 and THE MOST FLIPPING AWESOME DOG YOU WILL LIKE EVER MEET.I have decided to start a blog to show everyone that my life really isn't as chubb'in boring as people think.Like today for example,when my family had gone out,i sat and watched the wall for twenty minutes!Yeah,i know what your thinking.."THAT SOUNDS FLIPPING AWESOME CHUB,GOSH I WISH I COULD BE AS COOL AS YOUUUU!"


Well ya cant. I'm like the coolest dog/person/giraffe on this plant.So there.Anyway,you should definitely check back here again cause i will post about my life everyday if possible.

Bye.